How to catch the common cold

I recently discovered a surefire way to catch a bug. So if you didn’t get the flu this year and want some excuse to stay at home binge watching the 2nd season of Daredevil, follow the steps below:

  1. First, get a booth for your fledgling company at an industry conference at least 800 miles away.
  2. Second, devise the layout for your booth. Get really creative: colored floor tiles, 2-3 banners, cardboard easels, etc. Plan to bring your 29” Apple Cinema Display, one of your prized possessions, especially if you don’t have the box and wouldn’t dare ship it. Or, how about a bar high table – so that the traffic to your booth doesn’t have to bend over awkwardly to try your product. The point is: make sure you have a) too much stuff, or b) it’s prohibitively expensive to ship. You’ve got yourself a road trip, my friend.
  3. Get a book on tape (several, actually) and hit the road. Take your time, don’t rush it. The app Hotel Tonight might come in handy. Because you can’t quite be sure when exhaustion will overcome you.
  4. You’ve arrived! Set up that booth, then stand a few feet back and take in the splendor. This is what Van Alen must’ve felt when he finished the Chrysler building.

    And God saw everything that he had made, and, behold, it was very good.

  5. Now entertain your guests. That means constant traffic if you’re lucky. So wear some comfortable shoes.

  6. That was the first of a two day conference. Go to your hotel room and watch Back to the Future with commercials.
  7. One more day in the exhibitor hall. Always be closing!
  8. Tired of standing? Good. Because you’ve got some sitting to do.
  9. Now you’re enervated. If you want to be bona fide sick, you gotta make the trip home in a straight shot. Drive like it’s college and you want to enjoy every day of a destination Spring Break. Need a nap? Find a rest stop. Need a coffee? That’s what Flying J’s are for. Remember, you want your own bed, so stick it out. Listen to the entire 12 hour Harry Bosch crime thriller in one go. Drive until the sun comes up and then keep driving!
  10. Arrive home at 10am and voila, you arrive a sick man! Make yourself a celebratory chicken noodle soup.

Dedicated to Caitlin who said:

“Wait, have you been talking to me this whole time?”